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Thursday, August 30, 2012

I'll Have the Mixed Signals With a Splash of Lime, please

Today I was contacted by a man I went on one date with a few months ago.  There was no chemistry and the date felt mostly awkward.  No harm; no foul.  It happens.

I have reflected back on the date, I felt a little uncomfortable that he was encouraging me to drink more than I was interested in drinking. “Go ahead, have another beer, I don’t mind”  “It’s ok if you drink another beer” and similar statements being made several times.  TrippyBeth seldom turns down a yummy beer, but I like to keep my wits about me as well.  So, I enjoyed just one Rivertown Roebling Porter.  I have a hard time drinking more than one porter anyway, as much as I love them, they are just so heavy.  I suspiciously wondered if he was hoping I’d drink too much, lowered inhibitions and all…

Anyway… at the end of the evening, we bid each other adieu in the parking lot and went our separate ways.  The lack of chemistry, I was sure, was felt on both sides.

There were a couple of text messages sent after the date, mostly out of courtesy I believe.  We went on about our lives.

As I’ve stated before, I have an autoimmune disease, Dermatomyositis. 
I’ve read on other dating blogs that one shouldn’t divulge health information like that early on when getting to know someone.  I do.  I don’t feel right keeping it a secret, then dropping a bomb months later when I could potentially have gotten sicker.  Accept me, accept my illness.  I have, usually, one bad day a week, after taking the chemo med.  If I don’t explain it, I look like a slug.  Of course, by explaining it, I could look weak too.  It is what it is, and I try very hard to be honest.

So… the previously mentioned man would send me a message from time to time to ask me how I was.  Just as other casual friends of mine have done.  There would be a brief exchange of niceties, nothing more.

Today, he asks me if I would be interested in getting a drink sometime.

I am perplexed.

I reply “I didn’t get the impression that you were exactly in to me.”

His reply “I apologize.”

Mine “No need for apologies, it is what it is.”

Him “Maybe I was wrong.”

Me “First impressions are generally pretty accurate, in my experience.  I’m still the same girl that I was that night.”

Him “To be honest with you, I was really just hoping to be intimate with someone.  I’m lonely.  I’m sorry.”

Me “I understand that… I’m often lonely too… I need more than just intimacy at this point… it seems hollow to me without the more.”

The rest of the conversation continued briefly in the same vein.

While I appreciate his honesty, I have to wonder… why bring it up now?

Am I suddenly more attractive? Unlikely.

Just as I told him, I’m the same girl that I was that night. 

Have his options suddenly become more limited? Is he just fucking tired of looking?  An emotion I can totally relate to, by the way.  I don’t know.  I’m not even sure I want to think about it, to tell the truth.

I know that men aren’t alone in the “sending mixed signals” department.  I’m sure I’ve sent mixed signals that were mostly unintentional.  It is never my agenda to confuse someone, or at the very worst, hurt someone.  I just don’t play like that.  Unless someone does something despicable to me, then I will devise an elaborate revenge scenario in my head, which I won’t ever put into action.

I have two examples that have taken place in the last 6 months or so.

#1 Geeky Guy.  I totally dig a geeky cute guy, yea I said it… they are totally for me!
       So, Geeky Guy (GG) and I meet on a weekday afternoon for coffee.  We sit at a table
       on the sidewalk and have, what I think is some delightful conversation.  I don’t think 
       that either of us makes any dating faux pas.   At the end of the “first meet” we both
       say that we’d like to get together again.
       We continue to communicate via text, vaguely discussing getting together again.
        Then nothing.  NOTHING, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH.
        This makes me crazy.  Why can’t people just be honest?  If you don’t like me, I’m a  
        big girl, tell me, I can take it.  TrippyBeth is an acquired taste.  (And no, I don’t refer
        refer to myself in the third person on dates, or anywhere but here, if you’re thinking        
        that could be one of my problems).
        GG, if you’re reading this, WTF???

#2 Country Guy.  TrippyBeth was born and raised a country girl.  I feel like I know this
        kinda guy as well or better than any other.  Spent my whole life around and involved
        with them in some degree or another.
        He pursued me, I agreed to go out.  He seemed nice, was cute, etc…
        We went out to dinner and a festival.  I had a really good time.  While on the date,
        he talks about all these things that he wants “us” to do, including a party a friend of
        his was having the next weekend.  He held my hand and even stole a kiss from time
        to time.
        At the end of the date, we pulled up in front of my building.  We chatted a little bit, I             
        gave him a kiss, exit the car and return to my apartment, ALONE.
        And…. That was the end of him.
        So, a girl is left to wonder, was he really not interested, even though he talked about
        future activities?  Or was he not interested because I didn’t ask him to come up? 
        Both? Something else? Didn’t like my kisses?  Who the holy hell knows?

I’ve told guys before that I didn’t think that we were a good match, and I’ve been told that before.  It could sting a little bit, but it’s better than nurturing some hope, for something that will never be.
That being said, I’m not perfect.  I’ve just faded out of relationships before, to avoid confrontations.  That wasn’t cool.  I will try not to repeat that behavior.

If I am the one that fucked something up with these guys, I wish someone would tell me.  For future reference, if nothing else.  I am well aware of the fact that sometimes I say things that are stupid, put my entire foot in my mouth, etcetera… but I really don’t think that I did here.

Oh well… good things are coming…. I just know it…

Or, maybe I'm just crazy...


Vigilarius said...

I'd be tempted to ask you out on a date, if I wasn't so terrified that your high-energy lifestyle would turn me into a pile of smouldering ashes. ;P

TrippyBeth said...

I've never left anyone smoldering yet!
I'm really not high energy at all, I end up just chilling out a lot ;-)