At my last posting I confessed to being smitten. According to Webster’s, one of the definitions of smitten is “To be struck with a firm blow”.
I couldn’t have been more accurate with using a term than I was with using smitten.
Today, I was struck with a firm blow, unexpectedly, squarely in the gut.
I was dismissed.
I can’t really say “dumped” since there was no relationship declaration. But I feel DUMPED.
Crying at work is sooooooo not cool.
I won’t detail his reasons here, out of respect for him, his reasons are his own and from what he said it wasn’t about me (unless that was just to spare my feelings). I actually understand the reasons that he gave me; it’s someplace that I’ve been before.
Maybe my stupid enthusiasm had something to do with it… in fact, I’m sure that it did. I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes, and when I think something or have an idea, I have to share it, that’s just how I roll… maybe I need to change some more things about me???
Do I think that he’s being rash? Do I think that he’s fucking up?
HELL YES I DO.
But, it’s not my decision… I can only live with it.
I guess I’m upset that I let myself feel a connection with someone and have some hope that it could possibly turn into something. That’s not my usual MO. But, I did feel a connection with him; I saw something very special in him that I haven’t seen in many before.
I’m not mad, but my feelings are hurt, I have that pain that a person gets deep inside their chest, maybe that’s where my soul is??
Now what do I do this weekend? I took a vacation day on Friday because we were gonna take a day trip. I was so looking forward to it.
I guess I could go alone, but that doesn’t sound like too much fun to me…
I think I’ll just get drunk.